Wednesday, November 18, 2020

State of the Blog 2020 (Still-Alive-Edition)

Let's start with 3 sentences that need writing regularly: Hey friends and neighbors. I hope you are all well out there. I've been so busy ... I'd also love to be able to say: every word written here takes time from the publication I'm working on. 2020 being as it is, not so much. That said, I have to address it at some point, right?

2020 couldn't be over fast enough ...

That fucking year. All the free time you'd want and no brain left to do anything but trying to calm down ALL THE FUCKING TIME. And I've been more lucky than most, I think. Didn't lose my job, always had toilet paper (although that was a close call, tbh, and mostly because they like me at the supermarket I frequent ... love those girls) and I didn't catch IT (I think).

Nonetheless, the fear is real. Confronted with death does that to you, right? At first I couldn't do anything, then I couldn't do much beyond functioning on a servicable fashion (that is: work to keep the roof above the head, so to say) and right now, with the year already closing, I'm looking back and there is less done than I'd have done in a NORMAL year.

Most creatives I know had problems like this. Existential dread will paralyze you and, if nothing else, it will have you shift gears to adjust to the new world surrounding you. I'd wager we will see quite the change in the material that'll be made available and popular in the very near future. If earlier crises are any indicator, it'll be way more dark memento mori shit on the one side and way more happy-happy carpe diem shit on the other.

For now, though, I wasn't able to shift registers just yet. I'm still very close to publishing that game I've been talking about. I'm proud of how that shapes up so far, but still way behind (if you haven't guessed). We'll try for Christmas, no promisses ...

Where to go from here? What's happening?

If nothing else, it made me realize how weak I am and I hope it is a lesson I can take to heart for the future. I have heard something said during the lockdown that I agreed with at the time, but didn't process it to its full extent, I guess. If I remember correctly, it'd been an old lady in the UK that had been asked about the lockdown, and she said somethig to the effect that, if you live your life in fear of something happening to you, you are already dead (or "you are not living at all", not sure ... also, not sure if it matters). I think I get it now.

That said, it's already taxing to write this little post here, so I should keep it short. I have some ideas for future posts and, as I said, a game to publish. I plan to tackle a module next I've been talking about a couple of years ago: THE RISE OF ROBO-HITLER ... some brainless splatterfest where sploitation-savvy players can have some gory fun hunting down evil Nazi mutants in a Labyrinth Lord game (or something like that).

I think it'd be tremendous fun writing that, and that's the point. Something to look forward to. I also have the guy to illustrate it, and that'll be a wild ride as well. Stay tuned for that happening in the next 10 years or so :D I will be faster, though. Pinky-promise.

Also next in line: more Lost Songs of Nibelungs! I need a working understanding of all the little and big things developed in that regard in the last couple of years. A fusion of all I have into one coherent mess (instead of the incoherent mess it is right now). I learned a lot finishing Ø2\\'3|| for publication (which was the point in doing it to begin with) and I think I can give that my best effort now. Starting some time next year.

I'll also read more and play more, maybe cut down the Social Media a bit more and concentrate a bit more on blogging again. Clean my act, maybe write a novel ...

So to close on a more positive note: I believe we will get out of this and we will be better for it, although maybe only on a personal level (the world is spiralling right now, not sure where that's going). Growth is difficult, and should be. How else would you know that something changed? So let's see this as a chance, right?

Is he right? [Source]

Although I'm not able right now to write a post as lengthy as usual (or with any kind of substance, I'm afraid), I wanted to take the opportunity to ask you good people out there how you've been faring? How's things? I'd be happy to chat about shit a bit in the comments, if there's any interest at all for something like this ... Shoot me what you have, gaming or not.

More soon(-ish) :) Stay safe, people, and stay healthy.


  1. Hi Jens, just wondering how it's going?

    It's been two months since this post, and I'm doing what you did in the last part - taking the opportunity to ask how you've been faring.

    1. Hey Red, thank you very much for asking! Can't say we are really affected here by the virus, but the lockdowns are getting to me more and more ... I have heard this from several ceratives in the last months: the whole mess may leave you with time on your hands, but it really stifles productivity, so you end up doing nothing. Not saying I'm that creative, but this shit drained the bit of productivity I had right out of me. It sucks. I hope we can leave 2020 behind us soon. As of now it looks like Germany is pushing for lockdown till April, with more restrictions to boot ... That's very unfortunate, to say the least :( Anyway, still alive here, just wrestling with more Weltschmerz than usual. How's things on your end? The UK seems to have it bad ...

    2. We're all OK here. It's very odd though. I'm back at work, but there's little else to do. Pubs, cinemas, music venues are shut, and restaurants are only open for take-away food. The stuff that makes life fun is in short supply. Not seeing friends and family is a drag. And it'll go on fora long time yet I think.

      I know what you mean about creativity too. I expected that I'd have re-acquainted myself with German and French, and learned Spanish and Russian, written a novel and a rock opera by now. But I haven't. I've just about managed to keep the Rift City campaign running, and haven't even managed to blog about it!

    3. Good to hear you guys are well! As for the lockdown stuff, I agree, it seems it will get worse and worse, for no fucking reason other than profit. The old are not protected, children are traumatized, the biggest shift of wealth in known history, everyday something turns for the worse for almost a year now ... no wonder, really, nothing creative is done. It's the equivalent of a deer staring at approaching headlights. So sick of it. And angry. Both aren't helping. Feels my compass is off and I need to find a new way to express myself. That and the game I was working on is almost done but I seem to be unable to do the final steps (it sucks to write a dystopian setting in jest and see parts of it actually come to pass ... not sure what to do with that). That said, I'll be back writing soon enough, just very different :)


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